“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?'”
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
Showing posts with label 12 steps. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 12 steps. Show all posts
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
November 11, 2010 - Quote
Day 49
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." -Frederick Douglass
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." -Frederick Douglass
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
Thursday, October 28, 2010
October 28, 2010 - Quote
"A day is a span of time no one is wealthy enough to waste." -Unknown
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
Thursday, October 21, 2010
October 21, 2010 - Quote
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." -Dr. Seuss
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
26 Days?!?
Quick note... I didn't realize today was 26 days until I looked at the sobriety counter on my blog.
Since waking up this morning I've thought it was day 25.
Strange... I've been so focused on that number for the last 26 days. How could I not know its day 26?
Time flys when you're having fun I guess? ::sarcastic tone::
In all honesty it's just been a rough few weeks. As a fellow blogger in recovery commented yesterday I'm still on the 'big rollercoaster'. I had a GREAT day yesterday for a change, and so far despite some early morning nonsense (my fault... I overslept) I'm still feeling really good!!
Meeting with my sponsor at 4:30 to begin step work. I'll update tonight with more on that I'm sure.
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
Since waking up this morning I've thought it was day 25.
Strange... I've been so focused on that number for the last 26 days. How could I not know its day 26?
Time flys when you're having fun I guess? ::sarcastic tone::
In all honesty it's just been a rough few weeks. As a fellow blogger in recovery commented yesterday I'm still on the 'big rollercoaster'. I had a GREAT day yesterday for a change, and so far despite some early morning nonsense (my fault... I overslept) I'm still feeling really good!!
Meeting with my sponsor at 4:30 to begin step work. I'll update tonight with more on that I'm sure.
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
October 20, 2010 - Quote
"Courage is the power to let go of the familiar." -Raymond Linquist
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
Monday, October 18, 2010
Day 24 - F Bombs Galore
Its one giant fucking roller-coaster. I'm up one minute, and down the next.
Ignorant people piss me the fuck off.
I hate myself, I hate stupid people, I hate my family for not understanding anything I'm going through.
If I tell someone I need a few minutes alone to calm down and blog, why the fuck can they not leave me alone without making some stupid fucking snide remark?
For some reason I feel threatened by this kid who my best friend met at a meeting. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. It has nothing to do with my next statement, but I'm generally good at reading people and I don't trust him. I'm also pissed off because he's better looking than me, and he's way to fucking smooth to be a good person... nobody that smooth is ever a good person.
When I was drinking I never really cared what everyone else looked like. Now I can't stop focusing on the fact that I don't like my appearance. I don't feel attractive in the slightest bit (I know I sound like a woman... but I guarantee I'm not the only guy to ever feel this way). I feel like every woman I've liked or tried to date over the last few years has put me in the friend zone because I have "an awesome personality, we get along great" but I'm not attractive enough or not a giant douche bag so I'm not dateable.
I hate rude, uneducated people who don't think before they speak. I'm trying to practice acceptance, but I just can't help but want to tell some people to fuck off. Practice what you preach (i know i know... I'm working on acceptance just go with it). When I say uneducated I don't mean they don't have a degree. I'm talking about people who claim to know this program so well and live by it, but the second they walk out of the door its like they flipped off the 'AA switch'.
I'm sick of people who think because they have a few years in the program that they have all the answers. I mean shit I may only be on day 24, but maybe... just maybe I have something I can add that SOMEONE ELSE might benefit from.
Also where does it say I can't be there to help a woman in the program? I don't mean 13th stepping someone. I find that INCREDIBLY DISRESPECTFUL and COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. What I mean is if there's someone of the opposite sex outside smoking a cigarette crying where does it say that I can't be there to talk to - for support? NOWHERE!!!!!
"Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism."
"Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety."
Did I miss something?
I'm sick of always being there for people, and when I need someone I feel alone.
Why does everyone in my life, outside of the program think they know whats wrong or whats best for me? I don't want your advice and I don't want to hear your thoughts if you don't know what its like to be where I am. If you're in the program its one thing, but if you don't have any fucking clue what your talking about then don't get upset when I politely tell you that you don't understand, or if I politely listen but choose not to follow the advice.
Yes, I'm aware the bulk of this makes no sense... I just need a good vent.
Everything is confusing, life makes no sense. I hate that I'm short tempered with everyone, I don't know how to live sober. I know drinking won't solve it... or else I'd be at a bar instead of blogging right now. Knowing is half the battle I guess.
On a brighter note my sponsor is great, he heard me share today in a meeting and decided we should start working the steps after seeing my willingness and devotion to be in this program just from hearing me speak. I could tell he was apprehensive the first few days... he wasn't sure what to make of me or if he should even think about step work or busy work. I've had an open mind since my first week in the program, and the amount I've learned in just 24 days is absolutely amazing.
Its just a matter of learning how to use it now... and that my friends is an entirely different adventure.
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
Ignorant people piss me the fuck off.
I hate myself, I hate stupid people, I hate my family for not understanding anything I'm going through.
If I tell someone I need a few minutes alone to calm down and blog, why the fuck can they not leave me alone without making some stupid fucking snide remark?
For some reason I feel threatened by this kid who my best friend met at a meeting. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. It has nothing to do with my next statement, but I'm generally good at reading people and I don't trust him. I'm also pissed off because he's better looking than me, and he's way to fucking smooth to be a good person... nobody that smooth is ever a good person.
When I was drinking I never really cared what everyone else looked like. Now I can't stop focusing on the fact that I don't like my appearance. I don't feel attractive in the slightest bit (I know I sound like a woman... but I guarantee I'm not the only guy to ever feel this way). I feel like every woman I've liked or tried to date over the last few years has put me in the friend zone because I have "an awesome personality, we get along great" but I'm not attractive enough or not a giant douche bag so I'm not dateable.
I hate rude, uneducated people who don't think before they speak. I'm trying to practice acceptance, but I just can't help but want to tell some people to fuck off. Practice what you preach (i know i know... I'm working on acceptance just go with it). When I say uneducated I don't mean they don't have a degree. I'm talking about people who claim to know this program so well and live by it, but the second they walk out of the door its like they flipped off the 'AA switch'.
I'm sick of people who think because they have a few years in the program that they have all the answers. I mean shit I may only be on day 24, but maybe... just maybe I have something I can add that SOMEONE ELSE might benefit from.
Also where does it say I can't be there to help a woman in the program? I don't mean 13th stepping someone. I find that INCREDIBLY DISRESPECTFUL and COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. What I mean is if there's someone of the opposite sex outside smoking a cigarette crying where does it say that I can't be there to talk to - for support? NOWHERE!!!!!
"Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism."
"Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety."
Did I miss something?
I'm sick of always being there for people, and when I need someone I feel alone.
Why does everyone in my life, outside of the program think they know whats wrong or whats best for me? I don't want your advice and I don't want to hear your thoughts if you don't know what its like to be where I am. If you're in the program its one thing, but if you don't have any fucking clue what your talking about then don't get upset when I politely tell you that you don't understand, or if I politely listen but choose not to follow the advice.
Yes, I'm aware the bulk of this makes no sense... I just need a good vent.
Everything is confusing, life makes no sense. I hate that I'm short tempered with everyone, I don't know how to live sober. I know drinking won't solve it... or else I'd be at a bar instead of blogging right now. Knowing is half the battle I guess.
On a brighter note my sponsor is great, he heard me share today in a meeting and decided we should start working the steps after seeing my willingness and devotion to be in this program just from hearing me speak. I could tell he was apprehensive the first few days... he wasn't sure what to make of me or if he should even think about step work or busy work. I've had an open mind since my first week in the program, and the amount I've learned in just 24 days is absolutely amazing.
Its just a matter of learning how to use it now... and that my friends is an entirely different adventure.
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
Friday, October 15, 2010
October 15, 2010 - Quote
"No man is an island entire of itself. Each is a piece of the continent, a part of the main." -John Donne
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
October 13, 2010 - Quote
"Set your goals high, and don't stop till you get there." -Bo Jackson
I have A LOT I need to get down in a blog... so expect something later today. I've been hitting a lot of meetings and am exhausted by the end of the day, so its hard to keep up... but this blog is an important part of my recovery so I'm finding time today at some point to 'spill my guts.'
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
I have A LOT I need to get down in a blog... so expect something later today. I've been hitting a lot of meetings and am exhausted by the end of the day, so its hard to keep up... but this blog is an important part of my recovery so I'm finding time today at some point to 'spill my guts.'
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
October 12, 2010 - Quote
"Life is simple, it's just not easy" -Unknown
I'll be back to my regular updates hopefully tonight or tomorrow :)
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Courage and Fear
Today's day 12. I've made up my mind to never drink again. I can't... nothing good could possibly come from it. I've lost to much already. Now I'm deathly afraid of losing something else.
I'm worried about my best friend. She starts everyday so excited and ready to go, but inevitably something happens during the day to knock her off that early morning pink cloud. She seems so down, like she's lost her focus on recovery. It's impossible to get her to go to meetings the last few days, unless I have to force her. To be honest that scares the shit out of me!!
We both always have such a renewed spirit, renewed strength and courage when we leave a meeting - I'm worried she's going to lose that.
Another concern are the people she met in Rehab. My best friend is so trusting, and has such a kind heart. She keeps getting screwed by people she met in rehab. She thinks because she spent 28 days with them that they have some sort of bond, she often refers to rehab as camp.
Now I know a lot of these people are just normal people with addiction issues, but I'm afraid she's going to start hanging out with these people during or after recovery and take a dive off the wagon. She thinks that because her and I can be strong for each other and not drink or use together - not let one another fall back into old habits, that every person she met in rehab is like that. I know this isn't true, and I'm deathly afraid.
I hear so many stories about people coming out of rehab, hanging out with or dating someone they met there, and quickly ending up back in rehab once again.
I'm deathly afraid, I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost her. We've been through so much together, I couldn't lose her again. At the same time I love being there for each other through this recovery process, it keeps me strong. We're opening up to one another again, we've both realized we don't need to be on something to still have an amazing time together. My fear is no longer will she still love me sober... it's will she stay sober with me?
God please keep us both strong, and grant us the courage and strength to stay sober - one day at a time.
"Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow." - Dan Rather
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
I'm worried about my best friend. She starts everyday so excited and ready to go, but inevitably something happens during the day to knock her off that early morning pink cloud. She seems so down, like she's lost her focus on recovery. It's impossible to get her to go to meetings the last few days, unless I have to force her. To be honest that scares the shit out of me!!
We both always have such a renewed spirit, renewed strength and courage when we leave a meeting - I'm worried she's going to lose that.
Another concern are the people she met in Rehab. My best friend is so trusting, and has such a kind heart. She keeps getting screwed by people she met in rehab. She thinks because she spent 28 days with them that they have some sort of bond, she often refers to rehab as camp.
Now I know a lot of these people are just normal people with addiction issues, but I'm afraid she's going to start hanging out with these people during or after recovery and take a dive off the wagon. She thinks that because her and I can be strong for each other and not drink or use together - not let one another fall back into old habits, that every person she met in rehab is like that. I know this isn't true, and I'm deathly afraid.
I hear so many stories about people coming out of rehab, hanging out with or dating someone they met there, and quickly ending up back in rehab once again.
I'm deathly afraid, I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost her. We've been through so much together, I couldn't lose her again. At the same time I love being there for each other through this recovery process, it keeps me strong. We're opening up to one another again, we've both realized we don't need to be on something to still have an amazing time together. My fear is no longer will she still love me sober... it's will she stay sober with me?
God please keep us both strong, and grant us the courage and strength to stay sober - one day at a time.
"Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow." - Dan Rather
My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...
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