Thursday, September 30, 2010

A break from me

Today, my sixth day of sobriety, is also my best friend's birthday.

We both just had our first of many sober semi-fights. It was nice though because all of my walls are still intact, and I got to call her an asshole at the end of the discussion.

Ok I'm kidding... your not really an asshole. I actually like you much better sober.

Note: In case you have yet to figure it out I'm skipping a recap of my fifth day and dedicating this blog post to my best friend. Why? Well frankly my fifth day sucked! It's in the past, and the past is just that... the past. I only get to move forward now, one day at a time.

Eh... ok so one sneak peek into day five.

On day five  I heard my best friend say that before she hit her rock bottom she didn't care if she lived or died. 

Notice the bold, underlined portion of the previous sentence in italics - it's important. I'll say it again...

My best friend didn't care if she lived or died

That really puts things in perspective. I got upset today because I wanted a beer.

I'll tell you one thing for sure, had my best friend died at that point I would have killed myself without a second thought. That would have been two perfectly good lives lost to drugs and alcohol in a flash.

Funny thing about pills and alcohol... you don't give a fuck about anything but yourself and your high/drunk when on either one. I guarantee she never stopped to think what I would have done had she died. The truth is she no longer gave a fuck about me, her family, and most importantly herself.

She had become powerless over alcohol / drugs - her life had become unmanageable. The only problem with that is she had NO IDEA, and neither of us knew a damn thing about AA.

We still aren't experts... but we can both now at least admit and accept that fact.

I wanted to go somewhere epic with the statement she made when I started writing this blog... but I'm not sure I have to. I've dedicated this one to her, I'm afraid that a birthday in recovery might push her off course.

Stinky (I know its your favorite nickname) - You are my salvation. Without you I would have never admitted that I'm powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable; without you I wouldn't know I'm an alcoholic.

In just under 60 days the progress you've made has me in complete awe. When i think about where you were then, and where you are now I'm speechless. As I type this I'm crying.

Had you died I would have certainly taken my own life. 

There's some real life shit. Such a powerful statement, one that we both wouldn't have cared about just a short time ago.

You've come such a long way, and the best part is you made sure I got on the wagon so we can take the journey together. The first thing we'll be doing sober is getting sober - together.

Early on in our friendship if I had a bad day, you had a bad day. If you were sad, I became sad. Those were the days, the easy days.

Eventually It became if one of us was drunk, the other was drunk.  Then it became if one of us was high, the other was high.

What a fucking wreck we became. What a serious rock bottom WE caused.

Today just a short time after the worst day of your life, and your biggest concern was having a shitty birthday.

I have news for you... there's still a long way to go, but you've made it out alive.

Today we are BOTH sober, BOTH alive - Because of YOU!

Today you celebrate your 22nd birthday, and have been given more gifts than you can ever imagine. This birthday isn't about the tangible, its about the intangible.

The gift of life
The gift of a second chance
The gift of sobriety
The gift of saving a friends life
The rebirth of a lifelong friendship
The regaining of a lifelong companion

The gifts you've been given only come once in a lifetime. There is no exchange or refund policy, you can't put them in a closet for a rainy day. I can't buy you a replacement for any of your gifts this year if you lose or break them.

Take advantage of the gifts you've been given this year for your Birthday. Use them well, use them responsibly, and most important of all use them SOBER.

Keep up the good work, I cannot possibly express how proud I am of you and how lucky I am to have you in my life. I love you! Happy 22nd Birthday... AND MANY MORE!!

WE are alcoholics...

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