Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Courage and Fear

Today's day 12. I've made up my mind to never drink again. I can't... nothing good could possibly come from it. I've lost to much already. Now I'm deathly afraid of losing something else.

I'm worried about my best friend. She starts everyday so excited and ready to go, but inevitably something happens during the day to knock her off that early morning pink cloud. She seems so down, like she's lost her focus on recovery. It's impossible to get her to go to meetings the last few days, unless I have to force her. To be honest that scares the shit out of me!!

We both always have such a renewed spirit, renewed strength and courage when we leave a meeting - I'm worried she's going to lose that.

Another concern are the people she met in Rehab. My best friend is so trusting, and has such a kind heart. She keeps getting screwed by people she met in rehab. She thinks because she spent 28 days with them that they have some sort of bond, she often refers to rehab as camp.

Now I know a lot of these people are just normal people with addiction issues, but I'm afraid she's going to start hanging out with these people during or after recovery and take a dive off the wagon. She thinks that because her and I can be strong for each other and not drink or use together - not let one another fall back into old habits, that every person she met in rehab is like that. I know this isn't true, and I'm deathly afraid.

I hear so many stories about people coming out of rehab, hanging out with or dating someone they met there, and quickly ending up back in rehab once again.

I'm deathly afraid, I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost her. We've been through so much together, I couldn't lose her again. At the same time I love being there for each other through this recovery process, it keeps me strong. We're opening up to one another again, we've both realized we don't need to be on something to still have an amazing time together. My fear is no longer will she still love me sober... it's will she stay sober with me?

God please keep us both strong, and grant us the courage and strength to stay sober - one day at a time.

"Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow." - Dan Rather

My name's Bruce, and I'm an alcoholic...


  1. Praying for you and your friend; you can do it!

  2. I would definitely run this by with your sponsor but when the time is right for you, maybe attending an Al-anon meeting might help you with caring about someone who's drinking/drugging is affecting you. Like I said, this is a thing to take up with your sponsor but it is an option for the future for you.

  3. Thanks Kim! Got her back on track today :)

    And thanks everyone as always for your comments!

  4. She has to work her program. And you have to work yours without your being dependent on her success at recovery. I think that it's dangerous for me to depend on another person to be my HP. I need my own HP who is the God of my understanding. No person can help me with my spiritual ills.

  5. Bruce, still no mail from you. fiddlemn is spelled WITHOUT an 'A'...right? Would sure like to get in touch. Sounds like you need to talk f2f
    Or maybe I do???
    Steve E

  6. Focus on yourself. It would be fantastic if she decides to work the program and stay sober, but you are powerless over that. Absolutely powerless. The best thing you can do for her is to be an example.

  7. Carry the message, not the alcoholic.

  8. You can only take care of yourself. You can love her, but that will not ensure her sobriety. Hang in there...


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